Top 10 Films that should have been better!!!

10. Alexander- This was number one on this list for so many years Yet Hollywood have churned out worst shit, so I didnt think it was fare. These are my main gripes. The Greeks are all British snobs, The Macedonians are all Irish Gypsies and Alexanders mother is a wierd hybrid of Slavic Russian. The film was so pourly edited that the time lapses were all to sudden and were not believable. The poor editing also cut down the epic battle sequences, which just might of redeamed the film had they not been cut, instead the camera inexplicably pans off to follow some bazzard flying above the battle. We are not even gifted a birds eye view. Alexander is portrayed as a Nancy boy and my only objection to this is that, for that period of time, everybody was so why single him out....The ancient Hellenics were famous for being Bi. Most records of Alexander state that he was, while brilliant, a thugish arrogant oaf. Not a wispy washy poetic worrier philosopher. It portrayed more the ledgend of him than his actual humanity. Its final sin was that it was long and drawn out. This was an Epic movie pretentiously trying to be an arthouse indie.

9. Closer- I am not a fan of this genrer of film but the plot sounded intreaging. 4 people 2 couples, all 4 people are linked in some way, and each person in each of these two couples fancies someone else from the other couple. But again are completley oblivious to this complicated triangle. I knew that this could either be brilliant or shit.....it turned out the latter. The main reason that this movie is on this list is the script.....It fucking sucked! People just do not talk like this in the real world! It was trying to be a mix of Tolstoy and Tarrantino, but If winded up being just intelectually insulting. Each character took so long to say absolutley nothing that in the end none of the leads were likeable. Final verdict.....Trying way to hard.

8. The Adjustment Bureau- Not Inception, but tried so dam hard to be. The plot was quite good, but this film was trying so very hard to be Inception.

7. Avatar- Thats right I said it! And I will justify it..... James Cameron, I am so sorry, you blew all your budget of CGI shit and Special FX. You Forgot to hire decent script writer! Instead you dust of Disney's Poccahontas and decided to make do. The final lesson here is that a big budget and state of the art special FX do not a movie make. Especially if the actors are so wodden that they need to be fumigated. One more thing.... Hair fucking the animals  in order to get them to carry the character was just fucking wierd!

6. Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland- We all get it Tim, your a dark guy. I normally love Tim Burton, but It seems he has become self indugent. Come on though, Alic in wonderland is a classic. How hard can It be turn it into an awsome live action movie? Very hard Apparently, that is why he did not even try. Yes We have a whole knew story about Alice returning to Wonderland. This still would of worked if not for a few gaping plot holes....I am assuming that the first time Alice was in wonderland was the book and Disney version.....Then where did the white queen come from? We are led to believe that she onced ruled Wonderland but now her Bitch of a sister is incharge and now things are shit, and Alice is some sort of prophised chosen one.Ok, but wait just a moment..... Why then in the Book and Disney versions is everybody having so much fun, going to tea parties and the such, and why is the white queen never mentioned? In the book, although she is never really liked, the queen is accepted as the undesputed queen.  Why wasnt Alice the chosen one last time round? And now the white rabbit and the mad hatter and all the other little wonderlandians have all banded together to form so sort of para military repal Militia.....I am not going to waste anymore time on this sink hole of a film.

5. Radio- I actually started off loving this movie. Like a bad sandwitch though, it has to sit for a while before you realise it actually sucked. Ah, were to start.....First of all it was the same old inspirational handicap story. How many times does this plot line have be done before? The soundtrack was emotionally manipulative, which in hind sight was most probably compensation for the Un-emotive woody acting. This is not a bad movie, I just dont think it is all that Great and it defiantly could of been more.

4. Spider-man 3- WOW this movie was bad and if it were not for the suckiness of other films than this movie would have a much higher spot on this List. First of all, Toby McGuire is a not an ideal spider-man. He is not terrible, he just doesn't fit the mold. Peter Parker is light and funny in the comics, young Toby played him heavy and dark, even brooding! Hay Spidy Batman just called, He wants that chip that you stole off his shoulder back. I am also not a fan of Kirsten Dunst or Duns or what ever her name is. Her acting is so flat that if you drank it, it would be a great cure for a jippy stomach!( That is a joke that references how flat coke is a great cure for stomach trouble, laugh you Bastards). She played the whole damsel in distress and it really fucking pissed me off. MJ is one of the most self empowered women characters in comic history. So than why in the movies is she played like such a victim? Anyway, on with this movie and why it was terrible. I thought that the addition of Sandman was clumsy and unnecessary. He was not believable as an antihero. The actor also over acted that role and he came off looking like he was trying to hard for an award. Venom should of been enough for this film. Speaking of Venom, he is far to much of an interesting character to leave out for the majority of the movie. Why did they have him competing for screen time with fucking Sandman?? Finally we come to bad spider man......WOW I get it, Jiving down the street to Saturday night fever obviously indicates a bad-ass and a troubled soul. The hair, what the blue fuck!! I understand that he is wearing the black suit, but do you really have to insult my intelligence but giving him fucking....Mood hair? If he falls in love will his hair turn Pink? Just a Terrible movie overall that tried to be to more complicated than it actually was.


3. Apocalypse Now- Another shocker because it is considered a classic but sorry, folks, it was shit. This movie had a great script, a great cast, a great soundtrack, a masterly Director, so where did it all go tits up? Honesty I believe that this is a textbook example of how politics can kill a Film. The plot was Brilliant, a shell shocked soldier is given an order to track down a rogue officer and assassinate him. The anti war movement got in the way, instead of sticking to the plot they meshed together all these weird tripy monologues about how pointless war is. All the while if they stuck to the script that message would probably be better put forward anyway. When we finally meet the elusive rogue officer, the one that has been built up to be this mysterious and complex character, he turns out to be nothing more than a psychotic Despot. The movie would have you believe that the war turned him like this.....but I think such extreme homicidal tendencies are prevalent in one form or another at a young age.


2. Batman and Robin- This movie is a genre killer what more can I say. I could say that because of this movie Spider man was pushed back 5 years, there was just no confidence in the comic book movie after this piece of shit. The producers saw how much they could make in toys and other memorabilia that they bypassed the movie  completely and shot a giant toy commercial. Even the Director in the DVD special features admits this, with pride??, I might add. The script was even aimed at kids but the funny thing is, I cant name one kid that actually liked it. Oh, yeah Hollywood, kids are smarter than you think.....This movie is the single biggest argument in favor of communism and against capitalism that there will ever be.


1. The Hitch Hikers guide to the Galaxy- We come to it at last! You know I actually liked this movie originally but that was before I read the books. I just remember being white hot with rage because I love and cherish the books, and they fucked it up. Instead of sticking to the source material they constructed a whole new story! I am sorry, then don't fucking call it the Hitch hikers guide than, call it something else....That really pissed me off. This was just a giant piece of fan fiction that had the same characters and background from the book, but none of the plot!!! They broke the cardinal rule of adapting a book to a Film. The cast were excellent and for the most part the script was very good, but the director sucked!!! And I mean sucked ass!!!!!!!! He is very quick to point out that Douglas Adams himself contributed on the film. My conclution is that the Director must of drugged him for most of the filming.