Top 5 Greatest Books of My time!!!!! So far that is, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I should point out that when I said my time, I meant time that I would use on them




5. Rubicon-  First of all know this, It is very rare that I would include a non fiction book in a list like this, so believe me when I say that this book is special!! Maybe I am just to much of a Histo-geek, but I am convinced that someone who knows nothing about the Romans could pick up this book and enjoy it. It is that good. At the same time for people like me, who know an awful lot about the Romans, This book is full of great reference points and humorous anecdotes. This is just a great, great read.....and I would read it again.

4. Soul Music- Wow, its great how something as simple as a book can take your mind off its troubles. That is what this book did for me. Which is no easy feat because my mind is exceptionally large. No, in all seriousness this is just a great story.....Pure story telling is how I would describe it. Come on!!! just the summary of the back has to hook you: Death gets sick of being Death and decides to go on holiday, eventually joining a rock band( For those of you that have never read Terry Pratchett, in his books Death is an actual living person, sort of). I live for stories like these!!!

3. The Hobbit- This is just pure adventure! Honestly there is nothing more serious than that going on in this story....No saving the world or anything that heavy. A bunch of Dwarves, a Wizard and a Hobbit band together to steal back treasure that was stolen by a Dragon called Smaug from the family of Dwarves.... The Took in you has to at least nudge a bit after hearing that!(Oh, that is an inside joke for people who have read the Hobbit). This Book is guaran-dam-teed to put a smile on your face.

2. The Silmarillion- The epic Mythological history of Tolkien's Middle earth......This book is probably the most unappreciated book in the history of Literature! I dont think people understand that everything that happens in The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are direct consequences of the events chronicled in this book. But I love it because it definitively proves Tolkien's genius. How many authors created there own Language? And I mean a real language based on Anglo-Saxon and elements of high German ? Tolkien did....That is just one of the many reasons why this book rocks.

1. Dune- This will always be my number one.....Its just so dam poetic. And I mean the first three novels, not the subsequent sequels that sucked ass. A story about a young man and his search for family revenge, that leads him to become a hard and cold man, who has become the very monster he set out to destroy in the first place....Dam that is so......Greek tragedy, and I love it!!! Dune....The rise and fall of Paul Atreides and his family.

The Top ten best comedic character creations of all time!!!!!!

10. MR Miyagi- I wish I could befriend a funny old Japanese dude, who would then teach me to become a baby Chuck Norris. Honestly Mr Miyagi is the only reason that I watched any of the Karate Kid movies....

9. Guy Secretan- Guy Secretan, its Swiss........ If any of you have met more than one anesthetist as I have, you will know that 90% of them are really exactly like this. Guy Secretan is the perfect representation of a doctor that has low working hours coupled with a very high salary. Misogynist, bully, moron.......Guy Secretan

8. Niles Crane- For the benefit of people who have never watched Fraiser, Niles is Fraiser's brother and just when you think there cant possibly be someone out there more pompous than Fraiser......we meet Niles.

7. Mother Fucker Jones- He had such a small part in the movie Horrible Bosses, but he stole it for me.....I still wet myself every time I watch this scene.

6. Butters- Butters, oh Butters, I love you Butters. I feel like such a shit though because I laugh at all the horrible things that happen to Butters, and he is just the most nicest kid!!! From being coaxed into making a racy you tube video by the other kids, Right down to unwittingly becoming a pimp......Butters is one funny kid.

5. Brody- This is one of the best movie characters ever. I still watch Mallrats once a year just for this guy. Like me he is a comic book enthusiast, but unlike me he is obsessed with super hero private parts.....yes, unlike me.....

4. J.D- I love, love, LOVE Scrubs, and J.D is a huge part of that. His emotional neediness, his weird relationship with his best friend Turk......his daydreams

3. Ari Gould- Fact, when this short little aggro bastard flies of the handle, prepare for great TV! Again, I Dont know why I like this character, I shouldn't, but I do. Maybe secretly I am a dickhead.

2.  Eric Cartman- The second time a South Park character has made this list, and the second time Eric Cartman has made one of my lists, for those of you who are loyal readers you will remember that he topped the list of top ten super villains ever. I love the way that all the evil in the world is encapsulated in this small little fat 8 year old....

1. Homer Simpson- What more can I say? His charming stupidity just makes for hilarious TV.

Top 5 scariest scenarios ever!!!!!!!!( All of which have happened to me)

5. Being Propositioned by your Barber- So there you are, walking home from work, when suddenly you get a sudden urge to get your haircut.....Because however unintended, your mullet went out of fashion in 1989, and even before that the only people who wore them were slack jawed yokels from small towns with names like Bobby-Ray. So you step into a small local salon. the barber seems nice. Pakistani, mmmmm, they have great work ethic, why not? He begins to survey your head..... 'Great hair!' he declares enthusiastically. He then offers you a free hair wash! Huh, you could get used to this, getting rewards for having great hair!  He is carrying on with the apparent joy of washing your hair( maybe a bit to enthusiastically, but you don't notice).  Then you hear it.....In a hushed voice, he utters buy your ear, "You like man??".........

What do you say? We live in the 21 st century, the Age of Acceptance and tolerance. You don't want to hurt the guys feelings. "Not as much as you" you retort and then sit the rest of your cut in uncomfortable silence. Then you pay him even though he insists its free!

4. The time you got worried about testicular cancer and thought you found a lump- Hey its silly, but give yourself a break, your were like 14 at the time. You must understand that this is the most sensitive part of the male body, so you must know that the thought of a poison pumping tumor possibly being attached to your left or right knacker is a very, very scary thought. And testing for it is problematic. You are essentially looking for a lump......in a bag of lumps.

3. Being stopped by the cops with you mad cousin- Especially because your cousin has a chip on his shoulder about cops, and even though your cousin is in the wrong by driving in the one way, with his seat-belt undone and without having his drivers license on him!!!! He still proceeds to goad the fuzz on with comments like: " I am sure you have better things to do!" and "Can we hurry this up, I actually have to be somewhere!" You love your cousin dearly.....But if you get locked up because of him, your selling his ass in jail for protection! Man, never forget, that they may be fascist oinks, as he says, but they are the Fascist oinks who have the power to lock you up.......So you best be kind and fucking polite! Because you are essentially auditioning for your own freedom.

2. Being locked up in a holding cell in Gatwick Airport- Do not ask! Will tell you this though, you are in there with Drug traffickers and other low lives. So if asked what you done by the other inmates......You done Murder!!! Or at least some form of violent assault.....Also, I know you have spent twelve hours in there.....but Dont add another twelve by calling your interrogator a Shit sniffing butt monkey.

1. Toilet overflowing while you at a party- WOOOOOW, This is Scary......When you are at a party and  you flush the loo and the water level just keeps rising! You will do anything at this point to make it stop. You even try to Bargain with it, "Please Dont do this to me, I will buy you one of those nice toilet duck tablet things, Please just stop!".........But it doesn't. That is the scariest moment in any human beings life.

Working!!!!!!!

Top ten movies with Masonic Imagery!!!!!!!!! The big reveal.....Hoooooooohhh shhh, big Brothers watching!!!!!!!!

I could not in all cases find the relevant picture so in those cases I found the movie poster where I found the Imagery.....




10.  Lord of the rings- Obviously Saurons Tower has Masonic connotations, with the eye wreathed in flame which can be associated with the eye of providence. There is another theory about the gates of Moira having the same design as the Masonic coat of arms, but after reviewing both of these, I think that claim is tenuous at best. This is because Allot of the Designs on Moria's Gates point to the histories of Middle earth as written in the book  'The Silmarillion' by J.R.R Tolkien, which is my Favorite book. Using the eye of providence in association with Sauron is meant to illustrate to the reader just how evil this character is....J.R.R was a staunch Roman Catholic who despised Freemasonry..... So it is not surprising that he would use the imagery with an evil association.

9. Flash Gordon-  His goggles have a masonic crest on them. This is really Blatant!!!!!!

8. Batman Returns- In a Fancy Dress party scene the character Max Shrek is seen with a turban sporting the masonic pyramid with the eye in the middle of it . This could just be the film makers trying to inject a bit of fear with the film watchers in association with this character, or its something far more sinister wooooow!

7.  The Affair of the necklace-  The character Count Cagliostro points a Masonic sign( thumb, middle finger and ring finger held in the palm, while the index and pinky fingers remain outward) at an extra. This was not intended by the film makers....This movie is set in pre revolutionary France and at that time that point was a common gesture of rage among the higher classes. It has Masonic Origins and connotation though.

6. The Ant Bully- There is a scene with an old lady in a rocking chair and there is a Masonic sign on the chair.....This is a little bit unnerving  because there is no need for that sign anywhere in the film......Its an animation.

5. Aliens- one of the characters, Sgt Apone is sporting a Masonic ring......Aliens is set in the future so you can draw your own conclusions about the intended thought.

4. Bad Boys 2- In the main street chase there is a bus with the Masonic emblem on it.....subtle but visible.

3. Peggy sue got married- You can clearly see a masonic lodge in a background shot with the all seeing eye in neon lights. In the film there is a weird ritual that looks like some sort of Masonic ritual but in the film its called by a different name.

2. Blast from the past- I am so sorry that I could not find the actual images on the net but I can tell you what I saw when I watched the film. Brendan Fraisers character stands in the position of a Masonic salute, his hand obstructing a word on a billboard in the background so that the letters EA are next to his saluting hand.... Apparently EA in Masonic Culture means Entrant Apprentice.

1. Sherlock Holmes-  When Holmes plays a cord on his violin in a trivial seen he notices that flies that he keeps in a tube synchronize and start flying in circles...... This is a physical representation of the Masonic maxim, Order from chaos.

Then in the character Backwoods cell is a carving of a crucifix with an eye in the middle of it.

When Sherlock and Watson explore a lab in the background there is a carving of a Masonic emblem on a wall.

Working!!!!!

Top 5 realizations that you have when you start living on your own!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Its time to go out when you start answering yourself- Ahhhh its an adventure, moving out of the nest. A lonely adventure. I don't think people ever realize just how lonely it can be, even if you do like your own company. Talking to yourself is perfectly normal....Its when you start answering yourself that you have to worry......Go out!!!!

4. Shit you are paying bills now buddy!- That's right it happened, your a functioning member of society.....shit, I don't know how that happened. What now?....Perhaps a big screen for my new pad, I earn enough. Oh but wait I have to set aside for rent.... OK, that is do able, oh yeah then there is my Grocery money for the month, then the electricity, oh and the water, also not forgetting my cell phone contract and my broadband provider. A vacuum, I need to buy a vacuum......Bank charges!!!!!!!! Maybe I can have the flat screen LED in a few months......Maybe?

3. When someone on the phone is asking for Mr...Such and such, They mean you not your Father- It took me so long to get used to that.....I am the Mr now!!!!! Ha ha, fuck you world and that's Mr Armstrong to you!!! There is a double edge to this sword though. You see the very same people who are calling you Mr or Mrs now will be shortly be asking you to come down to your local Branch to fill in some forms. All so you can upgrade to a platinum account and your funds will be applicable for daily compounded interest all at 14% APR! I never learnt about this in school, help!........Mommy?

2.  Tuna is not all that bad- So it happened, you are laid of at work or your dept is starting to mount or whatever the situation is......your Broke!!!!!!! I used to hate Tuna, I mean I fucking despised the stuff.....But when your hungry. Its cheap as well, dirt cheap. Also it is so versatile! Why, I used to make Tuna casserole, Tuna Salad, Tuna surprise( thats just tuna stewed in curry powder, or whatever other condiment I had and water)........Tuna is your Friend!

1. You have to buy Toilet Paper- No it doesn't magically appear when the last supply has run out...... As I found out you do have to buy it. If you don't, and your living alone, and you run out.........Stress! Of all the things you should never take for granted toilet paper rates highest of all.