Top 5 of Marvel comics!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Deadpool- Deadpool man he is fucking cool. I love him because he is honest about being a bit of a twat, the guy charges for his services. But dam, just the look of him. He is pretty bad ass. The Katana swords, the guns, the fire engine red with the black..... Plus he was the first character written to be self aware, of the fact that he was actually in a comic. The only reason that his own comic serries didn't do well was because all the epic baddies were fighting the big fish like Captain America and Spiderman. Not important enough for Magneto's or Dr Doom's attention, but important enough to be on my list.

 

4.  Captain America- Marvel make a big deal out of this guy, and while I think he is cool......I think he is a tiny bit overrated......To be honest I think all the Avengers are overrated. Capt. is still cool though, that is undeniable......He takes people out with a freaking shield!!!!!! 

3. Nick Fury- Head of S.H.I.E.L.D and serial supporting player. I love Nick Fury, he is like the mad eccentric uncle I always wanted. What is great about him is that if he were do square off against any super villain  you would fancy his chances......That is pretty cool for a non super human.

2. Wolverine- If I was not being objective, the entire top 4 places would got to X-men, but I am being objective so I could only put in this one.....The best one. The guy can produce knives from his knuckles.......That is kickass.

1. Spiderman- It was always going to be him. Easily the most relateable superhero there is, end of story. A nerdy kid who hangs out in the back of class and is a science genius.....That is Peter Parker, if he never became Spiderman he would of probably became a serial killer. Also.....coolest super powers by a mile!!!!

Top 10 weirdest Neuroses out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be afraid, be very afraid. Syndromes's, Phobia's and sexual obsession!!!!!!!

10.  Stockholm syndrome- Lets kick off the list with a widely heard about one.......Falling in love with ones kidnappers....Its a hard one to swallow but its out there..... Pocahontas was apparently a case of the Stockholm Syndrome. The cynic in me says that all marriages are just a giant case of Stockholm Syndrome. Another yet fictitious famous example is Beauty and the Beast.

9. Papaphobia- Hahaha, Fear of the Pope. Symptoms include, well, a mortal fear of the Pope.

8. Body building woman wrestling Fetish- This is so unheard of that it doesn't even have a fancy name.....Basically it is just weak scrawny men that get sexual pleasure by wrestling(and only wrestling) hunky strong women. This is actually very common in the mid west of America...... different strokes hey.

7. Munchhausen Syndrome- People who are addicted to hospitals?? Well, I am telling you now it is not the food. It goes much deeper than Hypochondria.....People with this will hurt themselves to get in a hospital. If it were about drugs than maybe I could understand it, but it seems to be mainly about gaining sympathy, and the high of being looked after and nursed......It is sort of sick when you think about it.

8. Lima Syndrome- This is named after a hostage incident in Lima, Peru......Lima syndrome is Stockholm Syndrome's evil twin.....The kidnapper becomes more sympathetic and caring towards the hostages. If I said Stockholm syndrome was like modern marriage, then Lima syndrome is the equal of a good modern marriage.

7. Paris Syndrome- We have two Syndromes named after cities, so I thought, lets add a third. Paris Syndrome only affects Japanese people......It is caused when Japanese people cannot reconcile the idealistic view of Paris, As seen in so many films, with the actual reality of the modern city.......If untreated it can lead to a full mental breakdown.

6. Ithyphallophobia- This is an irrational fear of erections. Awkward if your a lady, Very awkward if you are a male......The treatment is that the person must be repeatedly and over many years be exposed to the fear. Let me turn that around.....Awkward if you are a male, Very Awkward if you are a Lady....... It sounds like a bad 50's stand up punch line......Ithyphallophobia.....That must be what my wife has!

5. Fregoli Delusion- This condition has the affected person living in a weird 'Dr Strangelove' world where they believe many people are really just one person acting in many different personas.......Hahaha, the fun I could have!!!(By the By, Dr Strangelove is a reference to the famous Peter Sellers movie in which Peter Sellers played all the characters in the movie......See, the reference made sense. Honestly, the effort I put into this is amazing!!)

4. Jerusalem Syndrome- This is when christian visitors to the city lose there mind and start to believe that they are reincarnations of different Religious figures.....Which is weird because I was under the impression that Reincarnation was a Hindu belief.

3. B.B.W- Big Beautiful Women...... Really thin scrawny men attracted to medically obese woman. Oh Matthew!!! How can you be so judgmental! Scrawny men can love very fat women if they want!!!!!! Well yes, there is nothing wrong with that......I was referring to their sexual fascination with feeding them and getting their women to sit on them??? Apparently its called crushing....

2. Eproctophilia- This is nasty even by nasty's standards......A sexual obsession with farting!!!!!! When I first though about making this list....I was at a loss to think of any weird sexual obsessions, apart from the normal, often heard about stuff.....So I looked up the nastiest thing that I could think of....and Wa La, it is a real thing! We live in a world were our imagination is no longer a limit.....It fucking scares me!!!! Let me leave you with a testimonial....

“I first realised that I had eproctophilia when I was 15 years old. I was at my [female] friend’s house, to do a school project and she had terrible gas. We had known each other for about seven years so she felt more than comfortable to let her gas out in front of me. At that point I was really turned on by the fact that she was a hot girl farting around me but I didn’t know why. As we where sitting on her bedroom floor sticking pictures to a poster she got up and went to the other side of the room to get a piece of paper. When she came back she said ‘Hey John’, and forced my face onto her bum. She then sat on me and she let out a loud, warm, smelly fart on my face. Then she laughed and said ‘Doesn’t that smell delicious hehehehe!!’

 FUCKED!!!!!!!

1. Objectum Sexuality- These are people that fall in love with inanimate objects?? Like Erika Eiffel who is currently married to the Eiffel tower, and before that an archery bow.....I am not even making this up.....Wish that I were.

Or Amanda Whitaker who left her drum set for the Statue of Liberty

She does look like a bit of a Mong




What about this lady....

HAHAHAHA, and this guy......

Top 5 of DC comic!s!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Green Arrow- Yes, he may of started of as an odd tribute to the Robin hood legend, but he became so much more.....In the emerald archer we had the first Super hero who was more interested in common street crime. I also loved the boxing glove arrows!!

4. Wonder woman- How can you not love Love Wonder woman? Apart from being a bad ass in her own right. She was also the worlds first feminist.

3. The Question- I love characters that tend to rely more on there wits, and he his one of the cleverest one's out there.... I dont think he has super powers at all, apart from having no face, but I doubt that can be called a power.

2. Superman- The man of steel, even though he is totally dated, always has a firm place in my heart.This character has such tight morals that fans the world over live by a mantra.....What would superman do? He is also near invulnerable which makes him kick ass as well.

1. Batman- Who else?? The caped crusader is my number one always. He taught us that it is OK to be angry, we dont have to be scouts all the time. Plus he is a detective man, that is freaking cool. I was talking about relying on wits alone and this character has to be the best at that. I honestly feel that Batman could knock 7 shades of shit out of any other Superhero with powers, lets just put it that way.

Top 10 lies that we get told when we get dumped.......Tssss, yeah, I was just commiserating.....I do the dumping.

10.  We have just grown apart- Yeah, grown more towards someone else is what they want to say. Whenever someone says this, 9 times out of ten they have been cheating on you for sometime.....sorry, if your just hearing this. But I am sure you were thinking it.

9. We have nothing in common anymore- People dont change over night...... The translation to this is; You are a boring fuck and your looks or your money doesn't compensate me for that any more.

8. I will call you when my life is more.....settled- Dont hold your breath. By the way, if someone says this to you. It means that you are clingy and needy, stop it. That was your bad. When people give false hopes it generally because they are worried about the emotional stability of the person that they are giving the false hope to.....Its so much more easier than telling them the truth, and then finding out a month later that they have committed suicide over you.

7. You can do better than me- They are breaking up with you because they want a more shall we say..... Adventurous sex life. You see in that statement there is almost an implication that the person is too naughty and bad for a prude like you.

6.  I did not know we were exclusive- They knew, this is a high school line......You were just doing there homework.

5. I am moving- There identical twin is staying though.

4. I am not ready for a commitment- I found out something about you and it freaked me the fuck out.....Thats what that means. The something could be anything from a hangnail to a foot fetish.

3. We can still be friends- This is not so much a lie, but they are omitting a few details.....Like they want to keep you around in case plan A falls though.

2. Its not you its me- Yes, people shockingly enough do say this.......It is totally you.

1. I need space- They never quantify how much space they need, but amazingly enough, it is always the exact length, breadth and volume as you.

Top 5 weirdest music videos ever!!!!!

5. Ashes to Ashes- This video is weird in a good way, but it is weird, that is the point....It actually sort of unsettles you.

4. Friday- This is what happens when parents give into the whimpers of their children..... She begged her parents to shell out serious wonga for a music video. She released this video and soon came under fire from Justin Bieber fans. Well I think she is better the Bieber, but dont be to proud, that isn't such a huge compliment.

3. Wise Guy- Joe Pesci........What the FUCK!!!!!!!!! I could not find the actual video.....but seriously?????

2. Hooked on a Feeling- David Hasselhoff......Your manager, whoever told you this would be a worthwhile idea....Fire them!!!!!!!! I honestly would of preferred a leaked sex tape to this, if I were in your shoes

1. Anfield Rap- Well, you have a rap song(very bad rap song) + Liverpool football team of the 1980's = Fucking funny TV

Working!!!!!!!

Top 5 signs that you are an Asswhole!!!!!!!!!! OMG......You're a DICK!!!!!!!

5. You laugh passive aggressively-  Smug laughter, oooh, it grates me!!!! Passive aggressive laughing is when you have a fight with someone, and you are either in a car with them or you are stuck at work or home with them. Then after 20 minutes of awkward silence they laugh.......But not a true guttural laugh, more a forced nasally I am better than you type of laugh. Its like they are saying: "I have been reviewing the situation in my head these last 20 minutes, and I have come to the conclusion that you are very silly. Instead of telling you this I am going to laugh at you to try and undermine you sense of security, and that amuses me.... I fucking hate that, who's with me??

4.  You are a Blagger- What is a Blagger?? Well Braggers are people that boast about their achievements and Blaggers are people who lie about their achievements and then boast about them..... Like a man who comes home from work and blaggs off to his wife about how his boss is an asswhole and how his boss is so scared of him. Meanwhile he probably craps his tighty whities every time the boss walks passed his cubicle. And he probably also falls over himself to complete the most menial of task that is appointed him like a little Bitch-Boy. That is just one example but you get Blaggers in almost every context there is. The main culprits are males, but I have met a few female Blaggers

3. You write a Blog and share your angry little opinions- Not me though...... I fucking rock!!!!! OK shut up.

2. You Drive Motocross-  Now, dont worry. If you like motorbikes or drive motorbikes, this does not include you. I am talking very specifically about the sport of motocross..... They are dicks, not all of them granted, but a good 90% . Everyone I ever knew who did or still does Motocross are all world champion Pricks......My dad, The school bully, The high school bully, My babysitters boyfriend.......I am sensing a pattern here. There is nothing wrong with the sport in itself, it just seems to have a knack for attracting these wannabe alpha male.....Dicks. Girl Motocross drivers are cool, I am fine with them......The sport doesn't seem to affect them in that way.

1. You only play the piano when people are watching- I can tolerate everything else on this list, but this. You know exactly what I mean.....The pathological attention seeker!!! The sort of people that use terms like Pseudo multiculturalist to describe themselves. Or the sort of people at parties that will tap out a lovely concerto and then, just to dismiss any possible idea of them being less than brilliant, will then bring out a guitar and strum a mean solo...And then bring there unfinished sculpture...Those people. There is nothing wrong with being a renaissance person, but dont wait till you have an audience. Anyway, those people......Fuck them!!!!