Top 10 things that we all wanted to be when we grew up!!!!!!

10. Doctor- OK fare enough, some of us actually made it. But I bet you this........It is not at all what you expected.... I bet you had some Doogie Howser Fantasy of you being worshipped by patients and co doctors alike for your brilliance. Only to find that you studied eight years to be the personal whipping boys and girls of the more senior doctors, almost prostituting yourselves to scrub in on procedures.

9. Famous actor/person- Until you got booed off the stage in your school play! Your hopes were raised by Paris Hilton......If that intellectual dead end could do it so can I, you thought. But then your hopes were dashed again when you realised that no one would buy your sex tape.

8. Taxi Driver- Before you realized that people would look down on you this seemed like a pretty solid idea......and why isn't it? elitist dicks!!!!!

7.  Architect- There is a bit more Math involved than you would of realized......If you are like me, you did a U-turn very quickly.

6. Pilot- When you were younger being a pilot was the coolest thing that you could aspire to be. I dont know what the motivation was for girls, but for boys........It was the air hostesses.

5. Astronaut- Who has never dreamed about going to space at least once in there lives??? I got over the desire when I realized that they do not give you a laser gun to shoot Aliens. And Jedi knights do not really exist.

4. Rock star- Have you never strummed a mean solo on your air guitar??

3. Cow Boy- No one ever wanted to be the Indians in a game of Cow boys and Indians.....That may be looked at as racism nowadays, but those were innocent times.

2. Archaeologist-  Da da da dum, Da da dum( Indiana Jones theme tune). Hahaha, yeah I know.......Me to.

1. Superhero- Who can deny this? Kids are idiots!! When we were flipping through the comics when we were young, these weren't fantasies, Spiderman, Batman, Green lantern, Wonder woman ......these were very real career options. Or was that just me?

Sunday Resting!!!!!!!

Top 10 dumbest criminals ever!!!!!!!! You don't have be an evil genius for this line of work.....but it helps

10. Robber breaks into a home full of Black belts-  In 2008 a man broke into a home in Manizales, Columbia. This particular home belonged to the Pan American Karate champion, and his colleagues in Pan American karate that bordered with him......This story did not end well for the Robber.

9. The My space robber- In California, USA, a discerning young robber decided to go to an open house to see what he could steal. He stole some jewellery but then decided, seeing the home owners PC, to catch up on some social networking. He forgot to log out of My space. The police had his name, his number, his address and a list of his favourite Films.

8. Peter Addison was here- this dick vandalizes a children's camp site building, breaking windows, letting off fire extinguishers and drawing on the walls. Then signs his name on a wall as well??

7. Bank cheque demands note- A desperate, desperate man who did not want to create a scene wrote a stick up letter to his cashier. He got away with some money but it did not take the police long to find out who  did it, as the robber wrote the note on the back of one of his own cheques.

6. Robber with Name tag- A women who obviously worked at home depot decided to rob a bank.....In her lunch break?? On top of that she forgot to remove her employee name tag.

5. A picture is worth 1000 words.....or 40 pounds- A man was photographed by a speed trap in England....A fine of 40 pounds was promptly send to him in the post. He took a photo of 40 pounds and sent in back to the police. The police sent back to him a photo of handcuffs......He paid his fine.

4. Proud mother- A woman took her son to boy scouts, was arrested for drug possession when the drug sniffer dog, who was there just as a demonstration singled her out.

3. Carded Robber- A robber was about to leave a local store that he just successfully robbed, then he decided to take an extra bottle of Jameson for his troubles.....The clerk for some bizarre reason refused to give him the whisky on the ground that he did not believe that the robber was 21. The robber who was now frustrated showed the clerk both his ID and his drivers license.

 Weed Robbery- A guy reported his large bag of weed stolen in Texas,USA. When the cops were late, he went to the station to report the Robbery in person!

Courtesy call- Two young men were waiting outside a local store in New York,going over there plan to rob it. One of them has a new phone he is trying to figure out, he is playing around with it. He unwittingly dials 911 and the dispatcher hears the whole plan.

Actual Picture 

Top 5 of Marvel comics!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Deadpool- Deadpool man he is fucking cool. I love him because he is honest about being a bit of a twat, the guy charges for his services. But dam, just the look of him. He is pretty bad ass. The Katana swords, the guns, the fire engine red with the black..... Plus he was the first character written to be self aware, of the fact that he was actually in a comic. The only reason that his own comic serries didn't do well was because all the epic baddies were fighting the big fish like Captain America and Spiderman. Not important enough for Magneto's or Dr Doom's attention, but important enough to be on my list.

 

4.  Captain America- Marvel make a big deal out of this guy, and while I think he is cool......I think he is a tiny bit overrated......To be honest I think all the Avengers are overrated. Capt. is still cool though, that is undeniable......He takes people out with a freaking shield!!!!!! 

3. Nick Fury- Head of S.H.I.E.L.D and serial supporting player. I love Nick Fury, he is like the mad eccentric uncle I always wanted. What is great about him is that if he were do square off against any super villain  you would fancy his chances......That is pretty cool for a non super human.

2. Wolverine- If I was not being objective, the entire top 4 places would got to X-men, but I am being objective so I could only put in this one.....The best one. The guy can produce knives from his knuckles.......That is kickass.

1. Spiderman- It was always going to be him. Easily the most relateable superhero there is, end of story. A nerdy kid who hangs out in the back of class and is a science genius.....That is Peter Parker, if he never became Spiderman he would of probably became a serial killer. Also.....coolest super powers by a mile!!!!

Top 10 weirdest Neuroses out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be afraid, be very afraid. Syndromes's, Phobia's and sexual obsession!!!!!!!

10.  Stockholm syndrome- Lets kick off the list with a widely heard about one.......Falling in love with ones kidnappers....Its a hard one to swallow but its out there..... Pocahontas was apparently a case of the Stockholm Syndrome. The cynic in me says that all marriages are just a giant case of Stockholm Syndrome. Another yet fictitious famous example is Beauty and the Beast.

9. Papaphobia- Hahaha, Fear of the Pope. Symptoms include, well, a mortal fear of the Pope.

8. Body building woman wrestling Fetish- This is so unheard of that it doesn't even have a fancy name.....Basically it is just weak scrawny men that get sexual pleasure by wrestling(and only wrestling) hunky strong women. This is actually very common in the mid west of America...... different strokes hey.

7. Munchhausen Syndrome- People who are addicted to hospitals?? Well, I am telling you now it is not the food. It goes much deeper than Hypochondria.....People with this will hurt themselves to get in a hospital. If it were about drugs than maybe I could understand it, but it seems to be mainly about gaining sympathy, and the high of being looked after and nursed......It is sort of sick when you think about it.

8. Lima Syndrome- This is named after a hostage incident in Lima, Peru......Lima syndrome is Stockholm Syndrome's evil twin.....The kidnapper becomes more sympathetic and caring towards the hostages. If I said Stockholm syndrome was like modern marriage, then Lima syndrome is the equal of a good modern marriage.

7. Paris Syndrome- We have two Syndromes named after cities, so I thought, lets add a third. Paris Syndrome only affects Japanese people......It is caused when Japanese people cannot reconcile the idealistic view of Paris, As seen in so many films, with the actual reality of the modern city.......If untreated it can lead to a full mental breakdown.

6. Ithyphallophobia- This is an irrational fear of erections. Awkward if your a lady, Very awkward if you are a male......The treatment is that the person must be repeatedly and over many years be exposed to the fear. Let me turn that around.....Awkward if you are a male, Very Awkward if you are a Lady....... It sounds like a bad 50's stand up punch line......Ithyphallophobia.....That must be what my wife has!

5. Fregoli Delusion- This condition has the affected person living in a weird 'Dr Strangelove' world where they believe many people are really just one person acting in many different personas.......Hahaha, the fun I could have!!!(By the By, Dr Strangelove is a reference to the famous Peter Sellers movie in which Peter Sellers played all the characters in the movie......See, the reference made sense. Honestly, the effort I put into this is amazing!!)

4. Jerusalem Syndrome- This is when christian visitors to the city lose there mind and start to believe that they are reincarnations of different Religious figures.....Which is weird because I was under the impression that Reincarnation was a Hindu belief.

3. B.B.W- Big Beautiful Women...... Really thin scrawny men attracted to medically obese woman. Oh Matthew!!! How can you be so judgmental! Scrawny men can love very fat women if they want!!!!!! Well yes, there is nothing wrong with that......I was referring to their sexual fascination with feeding them and getting their women to sit on them??? Apparently its called crushing....

2. Eproctophilia- This is nasty even by nasty's standards......A sexual obsession with farting!!!!!! When I first though about making this list....I was at a loss to think of any weird sexual obsessions, apart from the normal, often heard about stuff.....So I looked up the nastiest thing that I could think of....and Wa La, it is a real thing! We live in a world were our imagination is no longer a limit.....It fucking scares me!!!! Let me leave you with a testimonial....

“I first realised that I had eproctophilia when I was 15 years old. I was at my [female] friend’s house, to do a school project and she had terrible gas. We had known each other for about seven years so she felt more than comfortable to let her gas out in front of me. At that point I was really turned on by the fact that she was a hot girl farting around me but I didn’t know why. As we where sitting on her bedroom floor sticking pictures to a poster she got up and went to the other side of the room to get a piece of paper. When she came back she said ‘Hey John’, and forced my face onto her bum. She then sat on me and she let out a loud, warm, smelly fart on my face. Then she laughed and said ‘Doesn’t that smell delicious hehehehe!!’

 FUCKED!!!!!!!

1. Objectum Sexuality- These are people that fall in love with inanimate objects?? Like Erika Eiffel who is currently married to the Eiffel tower, and before that an archery bow.....I am not even making this up.....Wish that I were.

Or Amanda Whitaker who left her drum set for the Statue of Liberty

She does look like a bit of a Mong




What about this lady....

HAHAHAHA, and this guy......

Top 5 of DC comic!s!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Green Arrow- Yes, he may of started of as an odd tribute to the Robin hood legend, but he became so much more.....In the emerald archer we had the first Super hero who was more interested in common street crime. I also loved the boxing glove arrows!!

4. Wonder woman- How can you not love Love Wonder woman? Apart from being a bad ass in her own right. She was also the worlds first feminist.

3. The Question- I love characters that tend to rely more on there wits, and he his one of the cleverest one's out there.... I dont think he has super powers at all, apart from having no face, but I doubt that can be called a power.

2. Superman- The man of steel, even though he is totally dated, always has a firm place in my heart.This character has such tight morals that fans the world over live by a mantra.....What would superman do? He is also near invulnerable which makes him kick ass as well.

1. Batman- Who else?? The caped crusader is my number one always. He taught us that it is OK to be angry, we dont have to be scouts all the time. Plus he is a detective man, that is freaking cool. I was talking about relying on wits alone and this character has to be the best at that. I honestly feel that Batman could knock 7 shades of shit out of any other Superhero with powers, lets just put it that way.

Top 10 lies that we get told when we get dumped.......Tssss, yeah, I was just commiserating.....I do the dumping.

10.  We have just grown apart- Yeah, grown more towards someone else is what they want to say. Whenever someone says this, 9 times out of ten they have been cheating on you for sometime.....sorry, if your just hearing this. But I am sure you were thinking it.

9. We have nothing in common anymore- People dont change over night...... The translation to this is; You are a boring fuck and your looks or your money doesn't compensate me for that any more.

8. I will call you when my life is more.....settled- Dont hold your breath. By the way, if someone says this to you. It means that you are clingy and needy, stop it. That was your bad. When people give false hopes it generally because they are worried about the emotional stability of the person that they are giving the false hope to.....Its so much more easier than telling them the truth, and then finding out a month later that they have committed suicide over you.

7. You can do better than me- They are breaking up with you because they want a more shall we say..... Adventurous sex life. You see in that statement there is almost an implication that the person is too naughty and bad for a prude like you.

6.  I did not know we were exclusive- They knew, this is a high school line......You were just doing there homework.

5. I am moving- There identical twin is staying though.

4. I am not ready for a commitment- I found out something about you and it freaked me the fuck out.....Thats what that means. The something could be anything from a hangnail to a foot fetish.

3. We can still be friends- This is not so much a lie, but they are omitting a few details.....Like they want to keep you around in case plan A falls though.

2. Its not you its me- Yes, people shockingly enough do say this.......It is totally you.

1. I need space- They never quantify how much space they need, but amazingly enough, it is always the exact length, breadth and volume as you.